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Two Backseat Barbariansby Eva Pasco Author of "Underlying Notes"
Before lap belts and harness seat belts were standard auto features, my father
would draw an imaginary Maginot Line along the backseat to keep my sister and I at our respective
windows. The gesture did little to quel our arguements on family trips, prompting my
dad to pull over along the highway to discipline both of us and inflict shame by calling us
barbarians ...
I shake my head and marvel how any of us children of the Sixties could
have turned out fine as I mind travel down my own memory lane...
* My sister and I often sprawled out in the back of our family station wagon
with nothing to safeguard us against potential injuries sustained by bumps or abrupt
stops. We'd egg our father to drive over the jersey bounds on Cobble Hill
Road as though our vehicle was part of a roller coaster train.
* My sister and I loved those smoking guns--cap guns, of course. We also took
perverse pleasure in pounding a strip of caps to see who could produce the loudest explosion.
* Remember those candy cigarettes? My sister and I must have smoked a pack a day as
we strutted in our mom's vintage clothing, fake fur stoles, wide-brimmed hats, and high heels
like two Madison Ave. society matrons.
* My sister and I could never quench our thirst slurping down syrup from
wax molded in the shape of mini Vodka bottles.
* Like all children of the Sixties, we had our fair share of skinned and scraped
knees our mom benevolently painted with Mercurochrome. We even had our temperatures taken
with a mercurial thermometer. Now, we've all been scared silly about breaking one of those new
energy saving lightbulbs for fear of emiting Mercury into the environment.
Ha!
* Unmasked, my sister and I inhaled plenty of toxic fumes from spray paint and modeling
glue working on our science projects.
* In elementary school, we toted our lunch to school in metal lunchboxes
without the benefit of ice packs to chill mayonnaise. We drank milk from slippery glass
bottles despite the high incidence of drop and splatter. Every kid we knew who carried
their own thermos had it filled with milk, the only beverage acceptable for growing
children.
* Swamped with homework, we carried our schoolbooks like a layered cake bound by a rubber
strap, throwing off our gait at the hip. Although, today's backpacks cause our youth to slump
forward.
*My sister and I watched our quota of violent cartoons such as "Popeye"
and reruns of "The Three Stooges." Though our friends may have nyuck
nyucked, all of us knew better than to smash a plate over someone's head or poke
our fingers in each other's eyes.
I'm just one of many Baby Boomers who survived such childhood ordeals,
seemingly unscathed. Even though consumer advocates and politically correct stumpers may
have made inroads in the name of safety, the restrictive straight jacket of the harness
seatbelt couldn't prevent two backseat barbarians from brawling and invading each other's
territory.
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