Roll Over Beethoven

by Eva Pasco 

Chuck Berry's 1956 hit recorded by the Beatles in 1963 for their British LP, With the Beatles, and released in the US of 1964 for the opening track of The Beatles' Second Album got ”My temperature risin" and me "Rollin' in arthritis," a Baby Boomer out of joint from what's been rollin' down the pike since the Sixties faded.  Granted, the threat of Communism and a mushroom cloud of nuclear annihilation hovered over the West in the Sixties...and alien abduction invaded our space.  Anyway, without rehashing the hashish so many have already permeated the air with, I'll attempt to take the high road as I trip along Rod Serling's Twilight Zone.  As bizarre as those episodes which aired from 1959 - 1964 may have been, none can hold a candle to present day reality:

1. We've become obsessed with hand sanitizers and antibacterial wipes in the home, school, and workplace in a valiant effort to stave off germs even though Boomers are living proof that soap and water work just fine.

2. Boomers grew up drinking tap water where the fluoride additive helped fortify our teeth against cavities in preparation for the purified bottled elixir most of us purchase today.

3. Though I can recall standing in a queue to receive a polio vaccine during my childhood, it's become the norm to inoculate ourselves yearly against the seasonal flu.  I've already gotten my shot. 

4. While attending school we Boomers were privy to plenty of fire drills, but now there are additional protocol drills for sneezing and coughing with etiquette to prevent the spread of germs.  Oh, be sure to toss any used tissues into the biohazardous waste bin, please.

5.  The times they are a changin' such that our school buildings, previously safe havens for Boomers, are now locked. Security sensors are in place and volunteer parents must now voluntarily submit to a criminal background check.

6.  Though Boomers had always been forewarned about checking trick-or-treat goodies collected from a night of foraging, it's far too scary for most children to venture from door to door these days.

7.  As teens, we Boomers may have sprouted cauliflower ear from monopolizing the telephone, but somehow we managed to "keep our snoopy eyes on the road ahead"  dee doody doom doom without the distraction of cell phones.

8.  We Boomers had our share of bullies and insincere Eddie Haskells where a retort of "sticks and stones will break our bones, but names will never hurt us" plausibly offered a verbal deterrent.  Today, cyber bullies and concrete bullies have become so vicious and malicious as to predispose a disturbing number of adolescent victims to take their own life.

9. President John F. Kennedy got the nation's Boomers on the move in the Sixties with his emphasis on physical fitness in the land of plenty. Seems like a "chicken in every pot" prosperity, fast food, and sugar sugar expanded America's middle where we can't see our toes, let alone bend to touch them.  Once in control of our own waistline, Big Brother now plays the heavy by introducing legislation and taxes to combat gross caloric consumption in the fight against the obesity epidemic. 

10.  Your gripe here: _________________________________________________________

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